Stress. This is something we adults experience to an extreme--bills to pay, careers and jobs to accomplish, appointments to schedule and attend, relationship challenges, injury or illnesses in ourselves or our families... the list goes on and on. For some of us, this can lead to unhealthy levels of stress that cause anxiety and depression. But what happens when extreme stress and anxiety are present in young children? What happens if this stress they are experiencing leads to panic attacks? If you are struggling to help your child with their stress, here are some tips that may help you navigate!
What causes stress in children?
Causes of stress differ from child to child; however, many kids and teens experience stress for similar reasons. For teenagers, the main cause of stress comes from school and an array of tough social situations. In young children, stress and anxiety is often caused by big changes or intense family situations, such as arguing parents. Young kids also stress about school, bullying, and fitting in. For me, I always stressed about succeeding. I held myself to a high standard in high school, which often left me anxious when I didn't reach my own expectations.
How do I know if my child is stressed?
The biggest indication that your child is experiencing stress is through changes in behavior, but stress can also manifest in physical ways as well. A national survey conducted by WebMD showed that 72% of children have negative behaviors linked to stress, and 62% have physical symptoms linked to it, such as headaches and stomachaches.
Changes in behavior
Often, children will show they are stressed by exhibiting high levels of anxiety, worry, and fear. They may become more dependent on you and struggle with separation, or they may develop new fears that were previously not an issue. Some children's stress comes out in the form of anger or frustration.
Another indication of stress is the withdrawal from activities. For example, if your child is stressed about doing well in soccer, they may tell you they don’t want to go to practice anymore. If they are struggling with reading, they may tell you they hate reading and avoid it altogether. This may indicate they are struggling to perform to a standard that is expected of them by you, a coach, a teacher, or even the expectation they are holding for themselves.
Changes in health
When I was dealing with intense anxiety and depression as a teenager, my stress manifested with intense stomach pain. This, as well as headaches, dietary changes, and frequent sickness, are all signs that your child may be struggling with too much stress. (For more information on causes of stress in young children and the long term effects, check out this article from the American Psychological Association.)
How can I help?
Show your support
As adults, it’s easy to look at our children and expect them to be carefree and to just have fun. But it’s important to remember that they are human beings with the same emotions that we experience as adults, even if their stressors are a little less intense. Something that may not be stressful to us can be a huge deal for our kids. So remember to listen.
Instead of telling your kids “It’s not that bad,” restructure your response to show your love, support, and understanding. For example: “I’m so sorry! That must be stressful to deal with! Let’s talk about it together.” Try your best to not make them feel like their emotions are wrong or that their worries are not important. Because their feelings are valid! Sometimes kids just need a trusted adult to help reassure them that everything is going to be ok.
You may also be able to help them if you can isolate what is causing the anxiety or stress. If they are willing and open to talk, encourage them to do so. Finding out exactly what is causing the stress can give you better ideas on how to handle it. For me, my stress is often triggered by a messy house or long to-do list. Identifying what is causing my stress allows me to refocus and evaluate my situation. This is a great exercise to do with our children.
Breathing, meditation, and mindfulness
When I was in high school, I dealt with major anxiety and depression. The ballet school I attended had weekly yoga classes we could attend for free as students, so I decided to take a class. I instantly noticed a difference in my mood, and my ability to cope with my stress increased. The breathing exercises we practiced allowed me to refocus and recharge. I continued to take yoga classes throughout college because of how advantageous it was for both my mind and my body. If your child is struggling with anxiety, try doing a yoga class with them. You will learn relaxation and breathing techniques that will be beneficial for you both!
There are also incredible toys and resources to encourage kids to practice mindfulness! Slumberkins is one of my favorite brands for this! Slumberkins offers adorable stuffies and books that make it easy to teach kids about strong emotions, and encourage us all to be mindful of our feelings and emotions. Check out our video here to learn more about Slumberkins! You can also check out these awesome tips from Psychology Today for more ideas on how to encourage mindfulness in young children!
Sleep!
Getting good sleep is so advantageous. The other day, I found myself getting frustrated with my kids constantly. When I stopped to think, I realized it was a direct result of my sleepless night. This is the same for children and teens! When they aren’t getting enough sleep, their body is not able to function to it’s full capacity during the day. This can lead to decreased productivity, decreased performance in hobbies and schoolwork, and higher irritability that can lead to stress. If your young child isn’t sleeping well, try adding white noise or a music box with calming music. You can also try making the room darker as long as they aren’t scared of the dark. In older children (or yourself) try to limit screen time before bed. Screen time to close to bed time can have negative effects on your sleep patterns.
Get outside and play
Encouraging your child to play outside has countless benefits! The sunshine allows your child’s body to produce higher levels of vitamin D. Low levels of vitamin D in children has been associated with higher levels of psychological as well as medical problems. Increasing their exposure can help decrease anxiety and depression in children (as well as adults).
Unstructured playtime can also help decrease feelings of stress in young children. Sometimes kids get overwhelmed when they feel like they have to play or act in a certain way. Allowing kids to explore and use their imaginations can help relieve these feelings.
Give your children more control
From a young age, you can encourage your children to make their own choices. When my daughter was just 2 years old, I noticed that she would get frustrated when I would make choices for her, such as choosing her outfit or deciding what I was going to make her for lunch. I decided to allow her the freedom to make these choices for herself. I noticed that instead of arguing with me when she didn't like a choice I made for her, she was excited to be able to make decisions that were more suited to her desires.
One way to do this with young children is to offer simple choices. For example, instead of choosing her outfit for her, I would offer 2 different options from which she could choose when it was time to get dressed. At lunch, I’d offer two choices, and she could pick from those. Making this simple change allowed us to argue less and she was substantially happier. Arguing is a common cause of stress, so allowing kids to make choices can decrease this feeling in both children and adults.
As kids get older, you can allow for more freedom to make choices. When kids feel forced, their levels of stress tend to increase. This does not mean you have to let kids do whatever they want, but giving them opportunities to make choices shows them they are in control of their own life and in control of their emotions. In a recent study conducted by the Leibniz Institute for Research and Information in Education, researchers examined parenting techniques and the effect of control versus autonomy. They found that "those who allowed their children more choices reportedly experienced happier households." Read more from this incredible study here.
Spend time together
Giving your undivided love and attention to your kids can help remind them that you are a safe place for them. This may result in them wanting to be open and talk with you, or it may just remind them that they are loved. Spending time together watching movies, playing games, going for walks, or making dinner together creates wonderful memories and allows us to bond.
Dr. Todd Thatcher, a mental health DO of the Highland Springs Clinic, mentions that time together with loved ones not only reduces stress, but can actually lower behavioral problems, boost self confidence, and improve mental health as a whole. Check out all the additional benefits he shares here!
What if my child’s anxiety and stress gets so bad that it turns into a panic attack?
Panic attacks are periods of extreme anxiety that are manifested through physical changes in the body, such as increased heart rate and rapid breathing. In intense situations, some people experience loss of control and feeling like they are going to die. This is caused by the release of stress hormones that trigger a fight or flight response. Although panic attacks are normally harmless, they can be very scary for the person experiencing it.
If you notice your child having a panic attack, try your best to remain calm. Demonstrate deep, slow breathing, and encourage your child to breathe with you. In the heat of the moment, try to remember that they are feeling a loss of control, so you must be the one to stay in control. Professionals at the Discovery Mood and Anxiety Program also recommend using simple distractions when children are experiencing an episode. For example, giving your child a bath or offering them an ice pack can both distract them and help their body feel some relief. Remind your child that the panic attack will end soon, and everything will be ok.
If panic attacks become a regular occurrence or lead to fainting, severe breathing difficulties, or confusion, it is best to seek medical or professional help immediately. When seeking help, continue to reassure your child that they will be okay. Often, kids feel like they’re broken if they are experiencing mental health problems. This is not the case. Remember, mental health is just as important as physical health. (For more guidance on how to help your child cope with panic attacks, visit https://www.seattlechildrens.org)
Stress is an inevitable part of life. But seeing this manifest in our sweet kiddos can be terrifying. One of the best things you can do for your children is lead by example. If you are struggling with stress, show them ways that help you cope with stress. Don't suppress or hide your emotions, but show your child that even though stress happens, we can cope and get through it together!
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