There are many reasons a family may decide to adopt, but whatever the reason, the adoption process is lengthy. It can take months or even years to complete the needed interviews and paperwork while waiting for the placement of their child. There can be a lot of heartache and roadblocks along the way.
You may not know the exact ways to support your friend or family member through this time if you have not experienced it yourself and want to make sure you don’t say the wrong thing. Here are four ways to support your friend through this exciting, but rollercoaster of a time.
Do Research
Finding out and researching what kind of adoption and how the adoption process works will help your friend know you care and have taken the time to really find out about their situation. There are four types of adoption: adoption through foster care, international adoption, independent adoption, and infant adoption. Knowing what kind of adoption process they will be going through will help you gain more understanding and know what questions to ask.
Offer Tangible Assistance
Many—if not all—candidates for adoption will require reference letters from friends or family members. Let them know you would be honored to write a reference letter for them. Others, especially if independently adopting, need help spreading the word about their desire to adopt. If adopting a baby after their children have outgrown the baby phase see if they would like to use any of your baby items or if they are fostering an older child see if they would want any hand-me-downs from your teen. If you want to help out, but aren’t sure what you can do, just ask.
Acknowledge Setbacks
Don’t ever just brush off any of the “lows” in the adoption process. These can include anything from a paperwork snafu to a failed match with an expectant mother. Frustration, disappointment, and heartbreak are sure to ensue. Never say, “Well there are always more children that need a loving home,” or “There’s time don’t stress.” Even if you do not fully understand the situation, offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
Respect the Information Given
The adoption process can leave many curious. “Could you not have your own kids?” “What happened to their biological mother?” “Why did they need to be fostered?” These sorts of questions, especially phrased in these “gossipy” ways, can cause discomfort. Let your friend or family member open up about the process and circumstances. They may never want to discuss these things and that is okay. You need to be okay with it. Celebrate them and their child regardless if you know all the details.